Oh boy, do we ever! This quote has been attributed to 19th-century diplomats, authors, and inspirational speakers, and it is so true.
I've fallen into this habit many times, especially as a leader at my school when giving advice (sometimes not asked for), running meetings, and assuming that others are on board with knowing why I'm making a decision. In reading on this quote and reflecting on it, the takeaway for me is that we should judge ourselves and others by our intentions AND our actions. Or that we should consider these things prior to judging something that's occurred or happening.
In the Autism world, students were often quick to point out the wrong in a situation, without having many solutions or having a "problem thermometer" to rate whether the problem was really that big of a deal. Their intention was to help--and in Autistic kids their intention is to help. I developed a sense of their intention as well as their action because of the culture of the school in how we communicate with our students, and yet sometimes I struggled seeing this in co-workers. More often, I assumed that teachers and staff could see my intentions in what I said and what I did--I was so wrong! What I could have done better is 1. take the time to look for intention in others' behavior/actions, 2. inquire about their intention explicitly, and 3. share more of my intention while asking for feedback about if the issue/problem/concern was shared by the group or if my perceived issue/problem/concern wasn't as big of a deal as I thought.
We judge ourselves by our intentions, we judge others by their actions.
I'm hanging on to this quote as a reminder of my typical approach to problems and the people involved. How will you use this quote? How can it apply to communication in your family? Where does it give you a softer approach when listening to others?